the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
