i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
