just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
