My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
