you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
