well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
