Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
