He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
