like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
