he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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