No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
