I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
