there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
