first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
