i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize