And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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