got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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