I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
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Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
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we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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