My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize