Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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