Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
