Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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