We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
