PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
