She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
