My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize