I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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