Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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