well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
