I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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