She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
