I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
