I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
