Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
