Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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