it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
