he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
