Umm I'm too high to move.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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