I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
