i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
