Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
