I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
