Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
