I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
