If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
