Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
