Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I want to be your penis for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize