I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
now i know why i became what i already was.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
