im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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