oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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