Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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