My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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