Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
