hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize