Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
