I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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