that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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