Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize