take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
