I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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