i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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