Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
