***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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