i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
