Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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