We talked him into tasing himself.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
