I accidentally burped into my bong.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
