By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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